


lost in the world of lights

by hellofavillain



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, CEO Alec, First Meetings, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Physicist Magnus, dealing with the past
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-05 11:35:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17324285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellofavillain/pseuds/hellofavillain
Summary: Sometimes you have to revisit the places from your past to be able to go forward. At least that’s what Magnus is hoping for when he decides to come back to New York.For Alec, New York is all he knows, he has been there his entire life. When he agrees to meet Izzy’s friend who is just moving back, he’s not expecting that it’ll change everything.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All thanks to @mansikka for proof-reading and giving amazing advice!

“Izzy, no, I don’t even know this guy,” Alec sighed heavily as he massaged his temples with his free hand, the other one holding the phone. His plans after work involved ordering a pizza and binge-watching a new show on Netflix, but here he was, sitting on his couch and talking with his sister. This time she was insisting he had to meet some new guy who apparently was moving to New York, even though she knew pretty well that Alec didn’t like to meet up with random people.

“Come on Alec, you have to remember the conference in London I went to last year! The one about infectious diseases, it was really good!”

“Yes, of course, how could I forget? You wouldn’t stop talking about some rare bacteria after that.” Even if the situation made him grumpy, Alec had to smile at this memory. Going to London was big for her and he was glad she had this chance. Izzy could be very passionate about pathology after all. “But what does it have to do with this guy?”

“I met Magnus there, he was at the conference with his friend, who is a doctor. He is amazing; we went shopping together! And now he’s moving back to New York. He wasn’t in New York for ages so he doesn’t have any friends he could hang out with. I promised I’d meet up with him, but I have to be at work tomorrow. I know how much you don’t like it when I try to set you up, but I promise, it isn’t like that. I genuinely don’t want him to be alone. Just go out with him for one coffee. Please, Alec!” 

He could imagine the puppy eyes she was making even through the phone. But he had to admit that after the last time he explained to her he didn’t want to be set up with random guys and have his life “fixed”, she really listened to him and hadn't tried to do it since. He vaguely remembered her talking about some guy with good taste in clothes when she went to London, so it seemed like she was telling the truth. _Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad_ , he thought, _It’s just one coffee_.

“Okay,” he said after a while. “I’ll do it.”

“Thank you so much, Alec, you’re the best brother ever! Just don’t tell Jace. And Max. Or anyone, really. I will ask Magnus where he wants to meet and then I’ll send you the details, okay? Then you can exchange your numbers when you meet. Don’t worry, I won’t meddle. But I have to go now, bye!” 

“Thank you, Izzy, I appreciate it. And go do your stuff,” Alec answered softly and ended the call, knowing her mind was already somewhere else. He didn’t argue with his siblings often, but about one year ago he got tired of all the little jabs about him being single, about not going out enough, about not getting himself out there. It had ended with a big fight, but he was glad he said something because at least now they respected his boundaries. 

Sometimes he was lonely, especially with his siblings being in steady relationships already, but he thought he shouldn’t complain. He'd got his business degree at Columbia, he had a good job at the family company, the Lightwood Real Estate, and he had enough money to support himself and live alone. He wouldn’t change it for some meaningless fling. Dating wasn’t easy for him anyway, since he hadn't come out until a few years ago, which made him miss out during his teenage years while his siblings went on dates with their crushes. And now, at the age of 28, he didn’t want a night with a random guy. So he decided to wait and enjoy the single life. Sometimes he thought about getting a cat, a little fellow who could keep him company during lonely evenings, but he never got around to actually doing it. It had to wait, like everything in his life.

***

Alec checked the time and place in Izzy’s message for what felt like the hundredth time. He fidgeted in his seat even though he was sure he was in the right spot. It was a nice day in September, not too hot and not too cold, the sun shining bright and making the colorful trees look almost magical. The coffee shop Magnus chose was cozy, the interior made mostly from wood, not counting the bare brick walls. There was something enchanting in its simplicity, along with the plants arranged on the counters and hanging down from the windows. The atmosphere wasn’t overwhelming like in most coffee shops with people running in and out to get their orders, here it felt homey. Although it didn’t help Alec with calming down; it was already five minutes past the time they were supposed to meet and he was starting to get nervous. What if he was being stood up? What if something happened to Magnus? What if…

“Alexander?” he heard and looked up to find a pair of gorgeous brown eyes staring down at him with a bit of uncertainty. In the afternoon sun they looked as if they had golden speckles, beautiful and warm. He was speechless and probably gaping like a fish, but he couldn’t find words as his brain seemed to shut down.

“I’m sorry, are you Isabelle’s brother? You fit her description but…” the beautiful stranger trailed on and Alec’s brain finally caught up with him when he heard the mention of his sister’s name.

“Yes, that’s me, of course, it’s nice to meet you,” he stood up and offered Magnus his hand. Alec hoped it was the right thing to do.

“I’m so glad!” Magnus shook his hand with relief. “I was afraid I was talking to a random person, making a fool of myself,” he laughed and his eyes squinted in the most adorable way. “Although I’m sure I’d find an excuse to talk to you anyway. Should we order something? I’m sorry for making you wait, I thought it’d be easy to find my way, but it seems that I was too confident in my memory, the city changed quite a bit,” 

Alec nodded while Magnus kept talking. He tried to take in the sight in front of him and he didn’t know what he'd been expecting, but he wasn’t prepared for this. Magnus was almost as tall as him, his hair styled up definitely making up the difference. There were some white streaks in it which matched his button-up shirt – black with a pattern of white circles. His sleeves were rolled up, revealing forearms and bulging just right around the muscular biceps. Over the shirt was a black vest. After a quick glance, Alec’s eyes came back to Magnus’ face once again. He was wearing makeup which only complimented his features and made his eyes look even more intense. _Izzy should have warned me_ , Alec thought, suddenly feeling underdressed and not really ready to face this mysterious man.

“Of course, go ahead, I’ve already ordered something so I’m just waiting. And it’s no problem! I was more worried about something happening to you or me getting the place wrong,” Alec assured him, trying to act like everything was fine.

“Okay then, I’ll be back in a minute,” Magnus smiled and went to the counter. Only then Alec sat down and took a deep breath, feeling like he was lacking oxygen. It wasn’t like him, to be left speechless just because he saw a beautiful man. He didn’t know what was happening, but he needed to get a grip; Magnus seemed lovely and he deserved better company for an afternoon coffee, someone he could actually talk to. The universe didn’t give Alec much time to get himself together though, and it wasn’t long before Magnus came back to sit down opposite him.

“So,” he said with a small smile. It was so awkward, as any first meeting would be, but Alec found that he didn’t mind and nodded at Magnus to continue. “Thank you for going along with this. I know not everyone would agree to go for a coffee with a stranger, but your dear sister didn’t want to leave me alone.”

“That's Izzy for you. Once she has an idea, she’ll do anything to make it happen, even with the obstacles,” Alec said with fondness in his voice. She wouldn’t leave a person in need, especially after she made a promise.

“And I can’t say I’m complaining,” Magnus winked at him, which filled Alec with confusion. “But I don’t know anything about you, besides you being Isabelle’s brother. So?” he said as he propped his face up against his hands adorned with rings, staring intensely at him. Alec didn’t know what to answer.

“I… There’s not much to tell? I just work at my parents’ company. I don’t have many hobbies, I guess you could say I’m a boring person,” Alec chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding eye contact. He always dreaded questions like this because he genuinely thought there was nothing interesting to say. Not in comparison to his siblings anyway.

“Alexander! I’ve known you,” Magnus paused to look at his wristwatch, “for approximately 10 minutes, and I don’t believe you. Your sister mentioned something about you being the CEO of the company? This is huge! And I’m sure there are things you enjoy.”

“She said CEO? That’s a big word. I mean, this is what my mother is aiming for, and I take over her responsibilities when I can, but…” Alec didn’t know how to explain. He didn’t feel like a boss, but he knew he was doing more than anyone else. He was also aware of his mother’s plans. But still, it didn’t feel right to call himself a CEO. Though Magnus didn’t seem to notice Alec’s internal struggle.

“See? CEO at such a young age, I was right!” he pointed his finger at Alec with a triumph.

“Young?” Alec chuckled. “You say it as if you were old. And you definitely don’t look that old, unless you’re hiding something?” he teased, surprising himself and not even noticing the waitress coming up with their orders.

“Hello,” she said cheerily, trying to look at Magnus discreetly. Alec didn’t blame her. “One black coffee and one maple latte, right?”

“I think so?” Magnus looked at Alec inquiringly and accepted both drinks after Alec nodded. Alec wasn’t sure if plain black coffee was what he liked the most, but it seemed like the safest choice wherever he went. Magnus smiled at the waitress as she went away before turning back to Alec. “I’m 32,” he whispered, playing with his ear cuff. It was adorable.

“That’s not old!” Alec laughed out loud throwing his head back. Sure, Magnus was older than him, but it wasn’t much by any means, especially since he didn’t look old.

Magnus huffed but smiled nonetheless. “I feel old sometimes though.”

“Okay grandpa, tell me something about yourself then.”

“You’re not calling me that!” Magnus squinted his eyes and Alec had to laugh again. They have just met but he was having a great time. “I don’t really know where to start. I grew up here, in New York, but as soon as I could I flew to London. Physics has been my love for as long as I remember, so I wanted to study it. I was fortunate enough to get into a program at Oxford, and after doing my Masters, I stayed to do a Ph.D. in theoretical physics.”

“Woah, that’s amazing,” Alec was impressed. Why didn’t Izzy mention that? He was having a coffee with a genius only knowing about his good taste in clothes.

“You could say that,” Magnus chuckled, “but I felt stuck. Doing the same research with the same people, teaching the same stuff. I guess this is where I started to feel burn-out. But my friend told me about the local university here looking for someone to teach and do new research as well, so I thought, why not? Maybe it’s about time to come back,” he said with uncertainty in his voice. Alec was sure there was something more to it, but he didn’t want to pry, they didn’t know each other well enough yet. But it didn’t stop him from feeling curious about the whole story. There was something fascinating about Magnus Bane.

“I’m sure a change of scenery will help you, in one way or another. I know how passionate my sister is, but sometimes she also gets tired, that’s why she always needs new challenges. I’m a bit jealous of you guys actually, you’re brave enough to study abroad or travel for conferences. I’ve never left the States,” Alec admitted although he regretted it immediately, cringing internally at his oversharing. He never talked about himself, not even with his family.

“Really?” Magnus sounded surprised. “You really need to get to it one day! The world is so interesting. It’d be a shame if you couldn’t see it.” And there it was, the worry visible in Magnus’ eyes, something Alec didn't want to deal with.

“Yeah, I hope so. There just wasn’t the right time for it,” Alec answered, desperately wanting to change the topic even if he was the one to start it. “And how is the moving in going? I can imagine moving from across the world is quite a hurdle.”

“Oh, Alexander, you don’t even know the half of it!” Magnus sighed dramatically, throwing his hands up and continuing to gesture as he spoke. “The boxes from London are still coming. I managed to rent a very nice loft in Brooklyn, but as you can guess, it was cheaper because there’s no furniture. So I had to order some other things too, and now everything is coming at once. Actually, there is one delivery scheduled for this weekend.”

“Do you have anyone to help you with it?” Izzy had said Magnus had no one here so it didn’t seem like he had much help with moving in and Alec started to wonder. His concerns were confirmed pretty fast when he saw Magnus avoiding his gaze.

“Not really, but it’s okay. Maybe I’ll go ask some neighbors. Although this one old lady I met yesterday probably won’t be a good candidate,” Alec could see that Magnus tried to lift the mood, but he was having none of that. His sister wasn’t the only one who was stubborn in helping others.

“I can’t let you do all that by yourself, I’ll ask Izzy and her boyfriend and we’ll help you. And please, don’t argue with me,” he said, already planning the call to his sister.

“Really? That won’t be a problem?” Magnus sounded surprised, looking at him as if he didn’t believe it. Alec didn’t know who or what would make Magnus think that helping him would be a problem, but he was determined to change it.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said. “And you can call me Alec if you want to,” he added, although it was more of a habit at this point. He wasn’t used to people calling him Alexander, with the exception of the clients and contractors, where he had to act the part. It had more weight to it than a simple Alec. Alec meant no expectations. He wasn’t sure if he really minded Magnus calling him that. He thought of the first Alexander he heard just a while ago, one word that left him speechless.

“You don’t like it?” Magnus asked, choosing to go along with Alec changing the topic, although his mind seemed to still be somewhere else. “I’m sorry, I assumed it was your full name and…”

While listening to his rambling, Alec made up his mind. “No, of course not, I just thought you didn’t know, it’s what my family and friends use. But you can call me both.” After hearing those words Magnus lit up and Alec knew his decision was a good one.

“Okay, it’s Alexander then!” he beamed with all his focus on the conversation again and Alec couldn’t help but grin back at him. It felt like a beginning of something new.

“What do you think of finishing up our coffee and getting out of here? There’s a park just around the corner and then I can walk you back to the underground station so you won’t get lost again,” he dared to tease Magnus again and wasn’t disappointed when he heard the offended, _“I may feel old but my memory is not that bad, Alexander!”_

It was a good day.


	2. Chapter 2

Magnus took in a deep breath. The sun had already set so the air was colder. It wasn’t perfect by any means, but it was familiar. Even though it was dark, he still couldn’t see the stars; New York was the city that never slept after all, full of lights and noise, with skyscrapers looking down at people at all times. He had come here as a broken kid and then left as an angry teenager – how different it was for him to look at this city from a new perspective, a more mature one. Magnus was aware that one of these days his past would finally catch up with him. He knew that realistically he couldn’t hide from his father forever while living in the same city. But he decided to pretend everything was fine for just a little longer, letting all the tension go. It was supposed to be a fresh start.

He leaned on the balustrade of the balcony, something that had sold him on this particular loft. He loved the view, the illusion of freedom that came with it. Looking down at all the people could make anyone feel like a king, although it was also lonely. Eight million people in the city and still no one would notice you. Magnus nursed a drink, a simple martini. He had left his excessive alcohol collection with Ragnor in London, so he didn’t have much to choose from. Saying goodbye to his friends was the hardest part of going back to New York, but they were right, he needed a change. 

Living in London was constantly bringing up the terrible memories of his last relationship that left him broken, taking away his passion for everything. Usually, he thrived on research. He remembered reading about it once, the author calling it _flow_ , a state of mind in which you’re so involved and focused on something that you lose track of time, enjoying the activity. Magnus hasn’t experienced _flow_ for quite a while now. Working with people normally helped, but after ending his relationship with Camille, being around others was hard. He didn’t want to go out or meet with people. His life felt pointless, had no direction. And then Ragnor had told him about this new position, ironically in New York, as if he was destined to be trapped between those two cities; like in a giant web with a spider waiting on each half. He could try to push himself in one direction or another but he’d always end up on one of the sides.

With one last look at the people going down the street, Magnus stepped back into his loft. It was a mess, even by his standards. The scattered boxes were everywhere, his clothes lying on them after his attempt to find his favorite vest this morning. The loft had the walk-in closet but he still needed to buy new hangers so he couldn’t sort the clothes out yet. He had started to send his stuff from London way before he even came here himself, so there were still cartons standing in the corners, transported earlier by the moving company. He dreaded going through them to figure out what’s inside.

Magnus sat on an old, ugly couch, the only piece of furniture in his living room. It dipped under his weight, cracking with a weird noise. He couldn’t wait for the delivery tomorrow; he dreamed of finally sleeping in a bed. There were times in his life when he could fall asleep everywhere; a floor, a chair, a bathtub even. But at this point, he suspected that his back and joints would scream in joy if he could lie on a comfortable surface in this very moment. He sighed at the thought of his fluffy pillows, still unpacked somewhere. Luckily tomorrow would come soon and bring not only his new bed but also someone to help. 

Magnus smiled at the memory. He wasn’t sure at first when Isabelle called to apologize about a work emergency and said he could meet with her brother instead. He almost rejected the offer, thinking it’d be too awkward for both of them. And it was, in a way, but at the same time, it was tremendously good. Magnus also wouldn’t deny that Alexander was a very attractive man with the most beautiful smile. When he said he would find a way to talk to him anyway, he didn’t lie. Dark, tall and handsome, perfectly his type. 

But aside of the memory of hazel eyes, Magnus thought of how easy it was to talk to Alec, who apparently thought of himself as boring, which couldn’t be more wrong. He was anything but. He was very kind too, catching Magnus off guard with his offer to help. Magnus wasn’t used to people doing something for him just because they wanted to and not because they expected favors in return.

Magnus looked at his phone, playing with it in his hands. He had saved Alec’s number at the coffee shop earlier today to text him the details about his address and the delivery. He toyed with the idea of texting him now, but he wasn’t sure as they had met only once. Magnus sighed and threw the phone on the couch as he stood up and started to unbutton his shirt. It was late anyway.

***

Alec wasn’t surprised when Izzy and Simon enthusiastically agreed to help Magnus with carrying the furniture to his loft on the third floor. He would even dare to say they were over-excited, like a pair of golden retrievers going to the park. He supposed they were a good match after all. Alec didn’t consider asking Jace this time, knowing that he and Clary were taking a few days off to celebrate their first anniversary somewhere out of the city, but he suspected they’d also tag along if they could.

They decided to meet up at Magnus’ a bit earlier than the delivery was scheduled so they could prepare for it. Luckily there were no drastic changes to the weather so it was as nice as on the previous day. Although working in the sun had its appeal, Alec couldn’t help but imagine Magnus in the rain, the wet clothes clinging to him. Alec was sure Magnus worked out, it was impossible to have arms like this without working hard for it. Why was it important though? Alec scolded himself internally and tried to focus on the task at hand, he was going there to help a new friend and not to be a gay disaster. He still couldn’t believe Izzy hadn’t warned him, but he didn’t want to mention it, just in case his siblings were in a matchmaking mood again. He loved his family with his whole heart, but there were things he liked to keep to himself.

He looked curiously at the area as he walked. Lightwood Real Estate didn’t do much of its business in Brooklyn, so he was more familiar with other parts of the city. He could see why Magnus chose it though, it seemed to match him and his original style. When he got to the address Magnus had sent him, Izzy and Simon were already waiting for him in front of the building. It was a nice tenement house, a bit older than others, but Alec could feel it had a spirit.

“Hi,” he said as he hugged Izzy and nodded to Simon. “How are you?”

“Good! And I’m so happy you and Magnus got along together, I felt really bad for canceling on him,” Izzy answered immediately. “And you, how did you manage to get up this early?” she teased him. Alec in the morning was a running joke in the family. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he huffed. “We shouldn’t keep Magnus waiting, come on,” he said, stepping up the few stairs and choosing Magnus’ apartment number on the intercom. He was a master in avoiding the conversation.

As soon as he heard Magnus picking up on the other side, he said, “it’s Alec,” not bothering to wait. Perhaps he was a little over-excited too.

***

“Welcome! Please come in,” Magnus greeted them as he opened the door gracefully. He was just as beautiful as Alec remembered. This time his make-up was light and his hair was styled to the side instead of going all the way up. But his outfit was the thing that made Alec almost choke on air. Magnus was wearing a simple burgundy tank top with the side arm holes cut low, exposing miles of skin and muscles. Alec suddenly felt very hot.

“Hi, Magnus,” before he could make a fool of himself, Izzy unknowingly came to his rescue, happily hugging Magnus. “I can’t believe we meet again, in New York, of all the places! You have to meet Simon, here he is,” she said as Simon stepped out from behind her and gave Magnus his hand to shake.

“It’s nice to meet you! Izzy told me a lot about you and you know what? There was a boy living on my street when I was a kid and he was also called Magnus! Actually, you remind me of him a bit,” Alec rolled his eyes at Simon’s words. He could always count on him to make the atmosphere awkward. Magnus looked a bit surprised but he smiled at Simon nonetheless.

“You know that I’m not the only person in the world called Magnus, right? But I’m glad to meet you too, Samuel,” Magnus added teasingly and Alec snorted. Served Simon right.

“I’m not…” Simon started to disagree, but Magnus already moved on to Alec.

“Hello, Alexander,” he said in a low voice, looking straight into his eyes.

“Hello, Magnus,” Alec responded, feeling giddy. He couldn’t stop his lips from curling up even if he tried to. He could also feel his sister staring at him, but he decided he didn’t care.

“Please come in. Unfortunately, as my fridge is empty, I can only offer water or a martini, whatever floats your boat,” Magnus gestured for them to come inside. He wasn't joking when he said his apartment had no furniture, the only thing Alec saw was a lonely couch standing in the middle of the room and many boxes everywhere else. But even with all the mess, it still looked good. There was a lot of space and light with the high ceilings and big windows. The brick walls were mixed with the ones painted in warm, brown colors. _Once it’s fully furnitured and decorated, it’ll be amazing_ , Alec thought, not being able to stop himself from judging the apartment. It was his work after all.

“Isn’t it too early for a martini?” Simon asked, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

“It’s always happy hour somewhere, Sheldon!” Magnus chirped, already reaching for a glass.

Alec thought it was going to be so much fun.

***

“So, how did you two meet again? I only know the story from Izzy so I’m interested in your take,” Simon asked, as they tried to fit on the uncomfortable couch. Alec mentally thanked him. He wasn’t paying much attention to that before and now he definitely wanted to know more. The trip to London was a gift for Izzy from their mother for finishing her Master’s degree in pathology. Maryse had changed so much since the divorce.

“Long story short, I went to this conference with my dear friend Catarina, who insisted on taking me with her. And, as much as I love learning about new things, I’m not really fond of fungal infections. So I wasn’t the best company for this particular lecture and that’s why Catarina started talking to our Isabelle, who was sitting next to her. Believe me, I couldn’t understand a thing when they started talking in their medical slang,” he chuckled. “But then it turned out it was Isabelle’s first time in London and she didn’t know what she should see first. So I offered to show her around, shopping included. In the end, we exchanged our emails in case we happened to be in the same city again. And here we are,” Magnus finished his story with a smile.

“Yes! It’s amazing how small the world can be. And I haven’t told you yet, but mentioning my attendance at this conference actually helped me to get my first job at the lab! And I’m still working there,” Izzy said proudly. It wasn’t a big, well-paid job, but it was a good start for her after graduating. Alec knew she dreamed of becoming a forensic pathologist one day, but first, she needed to gain the much-needed experience.

“Well, congratulations, my dear! You’ll make it big, I’m sure of it,” Magnus said, lifting up a glass of water in his hand in toast.

“She will,” Simon agreed in a soft voice, looking at Izzy with adoration. Sometimes Alec forgot how disgustingly sweet they could be. He didn’t want to interrupt the moment, but the clock on his phone was nearing the hour of the delivery and he hated to be late.

“The delivery should be here soon, so maybe we could go downstairs to wait for them?” he proposed to the rest.

“Alexander is right,” Magnus announced, already standing up. “I can’t wait to get my new bed in here!” he winked and spun around smoothly, adding an extra sway to his hips. It left Alec a little flushed and very distracted.

***

It had been a long day, but Magnus was happy. He was sitting in his new armchair and looking at his loft. It definitely felt more alive now, even if the furniture he got today was just the basics; a new bed, an armchair, a TV stand and a few chests of drawers to put his things in. He still needed something for his office, the rugs for the floor, and all the other things, but he decided to take his time with the decor. There was no rush.

He was energized too, after spending a whole day with new people, listening to their stories. He could already feel that his approach to others was changing, maybe because they still had to get to know each other, starting as blank pages ready to be filled with new memories together.

There was also something about Alec that kept drawing him in. He noticed that Alec was quieter when there were more people around, but Magnus thought his snarky remarks and facial expressions were hilarious. He couldn’t believe Alec would call himself boring. Magnus still wanted to giggle at the memory of Alec rolling his eyes at Simon. For the first time since he had come here, he felt simply content.

As he scrolled through his Instagram, he noticed a video of a man playing piano for his cat; a little tabby was sitting on his lap, purring and clearly enjoying the melody. His first instinct was to share it with someone.

 _Damn it, since when is Magnus Bane afraid of texting someone_ , he scoffed in this mind and opened a new conversation on his phone.

_“Hello, Alexander! I wanted to thank you once again for your help today! Also – do you happen to have Instagram? Because I’m 99% sure you will enjoy this video! (unless you hate cats and we can’t be friends anymore)”_

He added the link and hit the send button.


	3. Chapter 3

Alec’s office was simple, yet modern. Although the perfect order and the pristine white walls didn’t really match his personal taste, he never bothered to change it. Formerly the office had belonged to his parents, but it had been years since his father dared to set foot in here. After the divorce, his mother had decided it was better for Alec to move into the room. She had bought her ex-husband’s shares of the company and left the family name because of their children, in case they ever wanted to take over the company. Alec remembered her saying that it was easier than rebranding and building everything from scratch.

The Lightwood Real Estate itself was taking the entire 10th floor of one of many skyscrapers in the area, filled with business offices. Alec’s desk was right next to the window so sometimes, in the rare moments when he decided to take a break, he would stand up and look out of the window, observing the masses of people rushing in all directions. He liked to wonder about them and imagine where they were going. However, this time his attention was fully focused on his phone. He still had to go through their newest deals waiting on his desk to be checked and signed, and then meet with their accountant to go over this month’s balance sheet, but he just couldn’t concentrate.

Magnus messaged him over the weekend and their conversation hasn’t stopped ever since, with the exception when they had to work and sleep. They were mostly sending each other silly animal photos and random facts from their lives, but Alec was thrilled. He wasn’t sure why, but his heart seemed to beat faster every time his phone informed him there was a new message. He even got to use his Instagram account, thankful that Max set it up for him months ago. He suspected he shouldn’t get that excited about cat photos and the status of Magnus’ dinner, but he let it go.

Alec was so lost in his thoughts that he was startled when he caught a movement in the corner of his eye. Apparently, he didn’t notice his mother coming into his office.

“I knocked, but I assume you didn’t hear it,” she said. He knew he was too old for this, but he still felt like a little boy caught on doing something he shouldn’t.

“I was just checking one thing, I’m going back to work right now,” he started, but Maryse interrupted him.

“No, I’m not here because of that. And, in fact, I’m happy to see you smiling,” she added. There was so much warmth in her eyes that Alec had to look down, not being able to bear the weight of it. “I just wanted to let you know that Jace is back and looking for you. It’s best that you find him before he does something again,” she smiled. Sometimes Jace liked to bring presents from his trips and no one ever knew what it would be. Although trust was thin after last time when everyone had got chocolates with chili inside.

“You’re right, I’ll go right now. And then I’ll go through over all of this,” he said, already standing up and meeting her eyes again. There were times when he still wasn’t used to actually talking with his mother.

“It’s okay, Alec, this is not urgent. And you never take any breaks. I worry sometimes, you know?” she said. 

He knew. It wasn’t the first time she said that and Alec didn’t know how to explain to her that everything in his life was fine.

“There’s nothing to worry about, mom! I will better go find Jace though, or we might really have something to worry about,” he joked and went past her.

***

After Izzy pursued her dream and started to study pathology, Alec thought Jace would follow her steps as well, but in the end, his brother had decided to stay in the family company. Alec wasn’t complaining at all, happy to have him close. They saw each other often, although Jace worked as an agent, fitting in this role much better since he loved to charm their clients into buying new apartments and being the center of attention while showing them. Alec preferred to work from the office, dealing with their investors and contractors and keeping up with the entire company was taking most of his time anyway.

Jace shared his room with two other agents, Lydia and Raj, who over the years became Alec’s friends as well. Sometimes they would even go out together for dinner, which was a nice change for Alec, who usually kept close to his family.

Their office was smaller than his but definitely more lively. Family photos, calendars, and a few Clary’s paintings adorned the warm, yellow walls, giving the space more of a personal touch. Before even going inside he could already imagine the smell of one of Lydia’s herbal teas and the _organized_ mess on their desks as they liked to call it. _That’s the advantage of meeting clients outside of the office_ , he thought.

He heard the hum of talking as he was standing in front of the door. He knocked softly and the murmur immediately stopped, the door opening abruptly and revealing Jace on the other side.

“Hi,” Alec smiled and half-hugged his brother. “How was the trip? Are we safe this time?”

“He got us some plain mugs, but we’re not trusting him!” Lydia exclaimed from behind her desk, waving to Alec. Raj just huffed in response, rolling his eyes.

“Are these the ones who reveal something after you pour boiling water inside?” Alec turned attention to his brother, squinting at him suspicion. His brother could be very sneaky if he wanted to.

“Alec! You’re ruining the surprise!” Jace groaned while others laughed. “But don’t you make it about me. I’ve heard Izzy saying that you had fun this weekend! Without me!” he said in accusing tone, pointing his finger at him.

“Really? Please do tell Alec, I won’t believe it until I hear it,” Lydia teased him, looking at Alec curiously. He glared at everyone.

“We were helping Izzy’s friend with carrying furniture to his loft. He just moved back to New York and didn’t have anyone to help. It’s really not that exciting,” he assured them, but they didn’t look convinced.

“I’ll ask Izzy and Simon and then I’ll judge,” Jace said, but he dropped the topic as soon as he looked at the clock on the wall and his eyes got wide in surprise. “Oh shit, I need to go! We’ll see each other at the gym later, right?” he nodded at Alec while gathering his things rapidly.

“Language! You’re at work!” Raj admonished Jace, who in return showed him a middle finger. Alec and Lydia snorted at their childish behavior which wasn’t that unusual. Everything was in place once again.

***

The time went on in its usual matter, without any sudden disruptions in Alec’s life. It was Friday afternoon and he was splayed on his couch, his long legs stretched out. He finally had time to continue with reading a book about Europe he had started some time ago. Very few people knew that Alec actually took interest in other countries; he liked to learn about their history, customs, and even politics. He just never had the opportunity to travel.

He sipped his tea while simultaneously trying to blow the hot stream away when his phone rang. Usually, no one wanted to contact him at this time, especially not on Fridays so Alec was surprised and a little bit curious. Hoping it wasn’t a work emergency, he looked at the screen and his heart jumped in his chest when he read the caller’s name. Alec hadn’t had a chance to meet Magnus since they helped him two weeks ago. He had to settle into his new job and still had a lot of work to do with the loft, so it wasn’t really the right moment. Although they texted constantly, Magnus had never called before.

“Magnus?” he answered the phone, trying to keep his voice calm.

“Hello, Alexander! I hope I’m not interrupting anything?” the cheerful voice on the other side responded to him and Alec smiled. Was it possible to miss someone after meeting them only twice?

“Oh no, I’m just sitting at home, it’s fine. Did something happen?”

“Amazing, then I hope I can convince you to go out! And what happened is that I’m craving a burger. I was hoping you could recommend me some place. And go there with me, of course, if you want to,” Magnus said in a hopeful tone. Alec imagined him walking around his loft and suddenly he really wanted to know if he was playing with his ear cuff again.

“Sure, I mean, there’s a lot of burger places,” he paused, thinking of which one he should choose. Food was definitely something he liked. “There’s this small bar I discovered recently, Black Iron Burger, I think? I could send you the details and we could see if we’ll find a place to sit there,” he proposed, setting his book aside and already thinking of changing out of his sweatpants.

“That would be amazing! Do you think an hour would be enough for us both to get there?”

“I think so, I just need to get dressed and I’m ready to go,” Alec said.

“Oh, you don’t have to get dressed for me,” Magnus teased and Alec felt himself blushing, not really knowing what to reply. Was Magnus flirting with him? “I’m joking, I’m joking, see you in an hour then!” Magnus chuckled.

“O-okay, see you soon,” was all Alec managed to say and the call ended, leaving Alec bewildered. And he still needed to choose something to wear. He sighed as he went to open his closet. Should he go for “dress to impress” or for something comfortable? Magnus wasn’t making it easy for him, he just couldn’t read him yet.

In the end, Alec decided to go for both. Jeans, nice dark button-up shirt and his snug black blazer. Classy, but not too much. People would usually assume that he wasn’t big on clothes, thinking it’d be only his sister’s specialty, but after years of representing the company, he had learned a thing or two about suits and clothes in general; he wasn’t that hopeless.

After that, Alec just looked at himself in the mirror, ran fingers through his hair and rushed out of his apartment, taking his phone and wallet on the way.

***

He arrived just on time. As he had said, the bar wasn’t big, so when he went inside, he quickly spotted Magnus sitting at a small table for two. It would be very hard to not notice him anyway as he had red streaks in his hair and a matching red jacket. Alec thought he looked breathtaking, red definitely suited him. He gathered himself and began squeezing his way through the little crowd of people standing near the counter until he reached Magnus, who had already noticed him and waved.

“Hi again,” Alec said and sat across of him. There really wasn’t much place under the table, so with their long legs, their knees had to touch. Alec felt as if his skin was burning in this spot. “Have you ordered already?” he asked.

“Hi and no, I just got something to drink. I wanted to wait for a recommendation from the expert,” Magnus said, resting his elbows on the table and pressing the tips of his fingers together. He looked at Alec with mischief in his eyes. Alec raised his eyebrows in return and smiled, feeling as if it was a challenge.

“Okay then,” he said, reaching for the menu.

***

“So how is the new job going?” Alec asked after placing the order and coming back to the table.

“Good, actually! You were right about the change of scenery, I finally feel refreshed. I can’t say all is perfect of course, we have this terrible guy in our department, Lorenzo Ray,” Magnus said with disgust in his voice, his face scrunching as well. “Luckily I don’t have to work with him often. I’ll be in charge of a project involving other departments and students as well, so it’s exciting! But I don’t want to bore you with that,” Magnus said, waving his hand. “How are you?”

“Magnus, it’s not boring! I honestly think your job sounds fascinating, I mean, you know all about how the world works, right?” Alec assured him, which gained him a shy smile from Magnus. “Please don’t tell Izzy, but I think it might be more interesting than microbiology. Just a bit,” he whispered, making Magnus laugh. Alec counted it as a great achievement and immediately wanted to do it again.

“I feel your pain, I love Catarina, but once she starts with the stories from the hospital… Let’s just say they get gory sometimes,” Magnus said, although the softness of his voice and longing in his eyes didn’t really match his words.

“Do you miss her?” Alec asked, having a hunch that it was a good path to follow. His knew his gut feeling was right when Magnus’ face lit up as he started talking about his friends.

“Of course, it was hard to leave my friends and move here. They’re my family, you know? They were there for me every time I needed them. It feels weird to be so far away from them and not being able to see them,” he sighed, playing with the rings on his fingers. “I told you about Catarina already, she’s like a sister to me. And then there’s Ragnor and Raphael, who can be the grumpiest men on earth sometimes, but I know they love me,” Magnus chuckled and made a pause as if he was lost in memories. “But I feel happy here,” he added after a short moment, looking at Alec with honesty. Alec could definitely understand him, wondering how much he would miss his family if he had to move away from them.

“I’m glad then,” he answered. The atmosphere changed from playful to private but Alec was happy with that. This way he could also get to see the glimpses of real Magnus. The moment didn’t last long though, because soon their burgers were served.

“Alexander, this is so good!” Magnus moaned with his mouth full and Alec felt both amused and aroused, which was very confusing. He still sat a bit straighter though, being proud of himself.

After they had eaten, they decided to go for a walk. They strolled lazily, their shoulders brushing from time to time. Even with the big groups of people around them, who were probably going out on Friday night, their little bubble felt peaceful as they were in no rush.

“I really wish we could see the stars in the city,” Magnus broke the silence between them as he looked up, exposing the long line of his neck. “I think they’re beautiful and yet, I’m spending so much time in the big cities that I can’t even see them. I miss that,” he added, not losing the sky from his sight.

Alec hummed in agreement, even though his attention was focused on Magnus. There was something magical in the way the streetlights reflected on his face, bringing out the sharp contours of his face. Magnus’ eyes shined as if someone stole the stars from the sky and put them there. Maybe that’s why he couldn’t see them; they were just hidden in his eyes.

***

They continued their walk in silence when suddenly a sound took Magnus’ interest, which turned out to be the music coming from a side alley. He turned on the back of his feet and walked closer, Alec following him closely. At the end of the street, they saw a club, a bright neon showing a name – Pandemonium. It was flickering every few seconds, leaving only _demon_ on the display. Alec was never particularly interested in clubs, not really understanding the hype and why his siblings loved it so much. But when he looked at Magnus, he could see how he tried to contain his excitement, failing miserably. Alec could swear Magnus beamed.

“Do you want to go in?” he asked before he could overthink it. “I’m not much of a dancer but I could wait and keep you company.”

“It’s okay, we don’t have to dance!” Magnus exclaimed although the eagerness in his voice betrayed him. “I just like the atmosphere in clubs. The loud music shutting down your thoughts, the people dancing without care, it makes me feel alive,” he explained and Alec could see that, even if it wasn’t for him. “But I would never make you just stand there and wait so we could get a drink and sit if you don’t mind?”

“Sure, we have time,” Alec replied. He didn’t mind it at all. In fact, in this moment, he’d agree to many things, just to keep this happy look in Magnus’ eyes.

Suspiciously there was no waiting line, the bouncer not even giving them a spare look. Alec decided to not question it and hope for the best, trying to not imagine all the scenarios from various movies and series, where characters got kidnapped or murdered. He wouldn’t want to be that guy who dies in the first seconds of the episode. He suspected Jace would find him in his afterlife just so he could laugh at him.

The club was full, although Alec couldn’t see the details since the lighting was synchronized with music and flashing accordingly to the beat. 

“Would you like something to drink?” Magnus asked, nodding to the bar. Alec nodded back in return and started walking in its direction. It was much calmer there, although soon he discovered this wasn’t his simple “one black coffee please” situation. He wasn’t much of a drinker and he had no clue about most of the drink names, so he just went for a beer in the end. At least it sounded familiar. Magnus ordered Sangria, apparently surprised and very pleased he could get it in a club like this.

They sat at the end of the bar, far from others, and Alec took a sip of his beer, grimacing immediately. It was so bitter.

“Oh no, you hate it,” and of course Magnus had to notice it.

“No, it’s good, really,” Alec tried to assure Magnus, but he didn’t look convinced. “Okay, I’m not much of a drinker,” he admitted with a sigh.

“It’s not a problem! But if you’re willing to try, I could make you one of my drinks. Once I’ll get everything I need, you should come,” Magnus declared. “Although I find it hard to believe,” he continued. “I would bet that there’s a long line of people just waiting to ask you out for drinks, so I thought you would be an expert by now,” Magnus looked at Alec intrigued as if tried to read him. Alec blushed in response. It was a rare occurrence that a guy told him he was attractive. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously as he tried to find the right words to answer. His cards were out in the open for a few years now and he knew he shouldn’t hesitate, but even after all this time, he still sometimes found himself unsure, cursing the society for the world he was in. Every new friend in his life meant coming out all over again.

“Honestly, I haven't been on that many dates. I’m gay and I wasn’t out for a long time, so I missed out, I guess,” he said, his heart beating fast, awaiting Magnus’ reaction.

“Oh Alec, there’s nothing wrong with it,” Magnus responded gently, which calmed Alec down quickly. “I’m sorry you didn’t have a chance to get those experiences. But it’s never too late,” he suspended his voice as if he wanted to say something more but wasn’t sure yet. He seemed to made his decision after a while and continued.

“When I moved to London, I started dating a lot, both men and women,” he admitted, the implication in his words making Alec’s heartbeat faster once again. “It was never serious. And then, the one time I decided to open my heart and settle, it was a terrible choice. She was bad for me and all of my friends could see it, but I was blind to all of this, pretending to not see all the signs. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way and she took away a part of me. So sometimes waiting a bit longer is not a bad idea,” he smiled sadly. Alec wanted to hug him, but sitting on the stools didn’t give him much range of movement. Besides, their friendship was still new.

“I don’t know her, but I already dislike her. She didn’t deserve you, Magnus. I haven’t known you for long, but I know you’re worth someone so much better,” Alec said with confidence, hoping it’d comfort Magnus.

“You flatter me, Alexander,” Magnus answered, flustered, suddenly avoiding eye contact. Something clicked in Alec’s mind.

“Was it in London? Is this one of the reasons you came back?” he asked without thinking. He scolded himself, hoping he didn’t offend Magnus with his assumption, but he couldn’t take his words back. The silence between them was heavy for a while.

“I… You worked it out pretty quickly, didn’t you?” Magnus said, his eyes wide with surprise. He looked somehow unguarded. “But you’re right. Everything there was triggering a memory. Add the burn-out at work and you have a recipe for disaster,” he joked bitterly.

“I don’t think you’re a disaster, things like that happen. And you’re doing great,” Alec assured him and poked Magnus’ arm, getting a little smile out of him. “We came here to enjoy the club and here we are. Now that’s a disaster. What would you usually do?” Alec tried to start with a different approach.

“I’d dance probably,” Magnus answered, still sulking a little although his fingers were already tapping to the rhythm of the song playing.

“Then why don’t you go and dance to this song? I’ll watch over your drink here,” he suggested, raising his eyebrows and nodding towards the dancefloor.

Magnus pouted in return, but Alec could see the corners of his mouth going up.

“You convinced me. But just this one! And then I’m going back to you,” Magnus pointed his index finger at him, jumping off the stool. He took off his jacket, revealing a sheer black shirt beneath, and threw it at Alec as he walked backward, never dropping his gaze. Alec was mesmerized, unable to look away. Then Magnus turned around gracefully, his body already moving to the beat. It seemed that he definitely wasn’t shy on the dancefloor, going straight into the crowd.

The song blasted through the loudspeakers, the lyrics conventionally saying _You better move, you better dance_ and Magnus delivered the request with pleasure, his movements smooth and catlike. Alec’s gaze was still fixed on Magnus and he certainly wasn’t the only one staring. Someone whistled and people started to turn their heads around to look at Magnus who still danced alone, giving everything into this small performance. Alec could see his point about feeling alive in places like this, it was truly his element. And in the short moment when Magnus’ eyes met his while he kept on dancing, he could feel it as well, his heart full of something he couldn’t name yet.

“You never told me you’re a dancer!” he said as soon as Magnus came back, clapping his hands. Magnus was breathing heavily and single beats of sweat were rolling down his forehead, but he looked happy and the sulkiness from before was gone.

Magnus bowed to Alec theatrically and grinned at him as he straightened his back.

“I wouldn’t call myself a dancer, but I’m certainly not bad,” he winked at Alec, taking his drink back from him and downing it.

Alec observed it with a smile and started to wonder how many things he had yet to discover about Magnus. He was looking forward to it with anticipation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, all the thanks to mansikka <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I faced a little block this week but hopefully, you will like it!   
> Thank you for all the kind comments and once again, thanks to @mansikka ♥

Over the course of the next few weeks, Alec and Magnus had developed a routine; they would meet whenever they had time and go explore various food places that New York had to offer. With their quick paced lives it was quite hard to do it more than once or twice a week, but Alec discovered that going out with Magnus was much more enjoyable than doing it on his own. With Magnus everything seemed to magically slow down.

They both liked trying many different flavors, so nothing was off limits; a classy Japanese restaurant, a surprising Vietnamese Café hidden in a wall, or more expensive, but great place with Italian food. Sometimes it was a place one of them suggested and sometimes they just decided to walk around until they found something that drew their attention. And on top of eating delicious meals, Alec had a chance to get to know Magnus better, which was a pretty good deal in his opinion.

When Izzy found out about their little quest, she joked that they should make a goal out of it; going to every restaurant in New York. Even if it’d be impossible, with the number of places closing and opening every year, Alec wasn’t opposed to this idea. Their little escapades to the unknown parts of the city were something he was looking forward to every week.

This day, however, was proving itself to be utterly terrible. His head was pounding with a headache and he wanted nothing more than to curl up in his own bed with the blinds on his windows closed. He dreamed of the sweet darkness swallowing him whole, which probably wasn’t the best sign to begin with.

This month was slowly coming to an end which usually meant a lot of work for him; the monthly reports were coming his way to be approved, and all the invoices and bills needed to be checked so they could be passed forward. He didn’t even want to think of the mountains of papers covering his desk waiting to be signed, just because he was a boss. Even if he thought some of the rules were useless, there was no other way than following them.

The weather complimented his mood as well, making everything look grey; the rain was pouring outside, hitting his window loudly, the noise drilling into his head. Alec was torn. He didn’t want to cancel his meeting with Magnus, but the tiredness was seeping deep into his bones making his mind foggy; he supposed walking in the weather like this wasn’t the greatest idea either. After mulling over the options he had, he decided to send a quick message to Magnus, asking what he thought about this. He closed his eyes and put his face into his hands, trying to focus on something else than the throbbing pain in his head.  


After a short while, his phone buzzed.

_“My dear Alexander, what about you going home today and getting some sleep? There’s no point in going out in a rainstorm like this, especially if you’re gonna pass out on me. We could meet tomorrow instead? My loft is much cleaner than you saw it last time ;) we could watch Netflix or something.”_

Alec smiled as his eyes skipped over the message. During the time they spent on chatting to each other, he could already tell that Magnus liked to write rather lengthy and Alec didn’t mind it at all. It also seemed that Magnus possessed the secret knowledge of how to appease Alec and make him stop worrying so much. The uneasiness about cancelling today’s plans turned into excitement about tomorrow instead as Alec was curious about Magnus’ loft, about the drinks that he promised him, and more importantly, about how it’d be with just the two of them, without others sitting right next to them at restaurant tables.

 _“Sure, it’s a perfect plan! Sorry once again for cancelling today,”_ he replied.

_“No worries, better go home and rest, boss ;)”_

Alec would not admit it out loud, but for the first time in his life being called “boss” was doing things to him. With his mood improved, he turned to the mass of papers once again and rolled his neck a few times, trying to get rid of the tension there after sitting for too long. Although the headache and the rain didn’t stop, he had a new motivation. He just needed to push himself one more time.

***

Walking through Brooklyn this time was different. Besides knowing his destination and not meeting up with his sister, it was also already dark outside, which changed the scenery as well. Alec quickly took the few stairs of the familiar tenement house and rang the bell. It wasn’t long before Magnus buzzed him in; Alec was thrilled.

However, as he got closer walking up the stairs, he could smell a weird smell, as if something was burning. Then he noticed that the door to Magnus’ door was already open.

“Magnus?” he called in an uncertain voice, wrinkling his nose at the stench.

“In the kitchen!” the voice responded and Alec curiously followed it. After stepping into the kitchen, he could see all the signs of the disaster. Magnus, the always perfectly put together Magnus, was standing in the middle of the room, waving his hands furiously at the smoke coming from the frying pan. His face was red and his hair was clinging to his forehead, but Alec would still give him points for determination. He was even wearing an apron.

“What happened?” Alec tried to sound calm and concerned with all the power he had, but in the end, he couldn’t stop himself from giggling. He didn’t even remember the last time when he actually _giggled_.

“You’ll not make fun of me!” Magnus threatened him with a pointed finger, but with all his surroundings he didn’t look more dangerous than a furious kitten. Alec looked at him innocently in return, but his mouth still wobbled as tried to keep them closed and he was pretty sure his eyes started to water. They stared at each other for a while with the smoke around them, when Magnus finally groaned and took off his kitchen gloves, throwing them at the table.

“Okay, I give up,” he admitted sheepishly, losing his composure, his shoulders dropping down. “I wanted to make a pan fry steak for you. You mentioned how tired you are and it was supposed to make you feel better, but I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” Magnus said with frustration. “It’s burned from the outside, but inside is still raw.”

Alec looked at the pouting Magnus, who was sending deadly stares towards his cooker as if the poor thing had betrayed him and his heart warmed up. He couldn’t believe this beautiful man would really go out of his way to try to cook for him, just to make him feel better. It made him think of all the times Izzy tried to bake for him and failed terribly. Apparently, he was surrounded by bad cooks. But they were his bad cooks, so it was okay.

“Thank you, Magnus,” he said with fondness in his voice. “I really appreciate it. Even if it’s a little burned,” he added with a small smile, which got him another murderous glance. “How about I’ll help you with cleaning and then we’ll order takeout?” he asked, already going up to the window and opening it to let the cold, fresh air in. Magnus sighed dramatically and then finally nodded.

“I can make all the drinks you can imagine, hot and cold, but this? You would have thought that choosing the right temperature for frying is easy for someone who knows everything about the theory of it, but no! It never listens to me,” he complained, talking more to the pan than to Alec. The pieces of meat lying there looked more like coal than something edible, which was a pretty sad sight.

“What matters are your intentions, and it made me very happy that you thought of it. So thank you,” Alec said with honesty and it seemed to soothe his nerves. Magnus already reached for a spatula, probably to remove the steaks that stick to a pan, but Alec quickly stepped into his space and took it out of his hand.

“What about you ordering something and me cleaning this up? I’ll take care of that,” he said, only now realizing how close they were. He could feel the warmth of Magnus’ breath and hear him swallow before saying quietly:

“You’re a guest Alec, I can’t let you do that.”

Alec just huffed and looked at Magnus seriously. “I’m not just a guest, but also your friend who wants to help. At least I hope I can call myself your friend?” he asked, suddenly not being so sure of the answer he could hear.

“Of course,” Magnus responded breathlessly, his voice hoarse and his expression unreadable. He stepped back, breaking the tension between them. “Thank you, I should probably change as well, my clothes stink from all this smoke,” he rambled, gesticulating lively, much quicker than he would usually do. Then he stopped, looked at Alec and turned around with, “I’ll go then,” and he was gone, leaving him confused.

Alec stood there startled for a second, but in the end, he chose to not dwell on it for too long and quickly got to work, precisely scrubbing off the meat and then letting the pan soak in water. The open window did its job as well, getting rid of the smell.

With everything done Alec decided to find Magnus, looking around the loft. Magnus did an amazing job, the previous mess and unpacked boxes were replaced with purposely arranged furniture and decorations. There were paintings on the walls and rugs on the floor, everything matching perfectly.

“Magnus?” Alec asked into the void, but only the silence answered him. He walked up to one of the rooms and knocked. There was no response, but the curiosity took over him, so he opened the door; the room turned out to be Magnus’ office. There wasn’t much light inside, but he could still see most of it. By the wall stood an old fashioned desk filled with papers and opened books along with a closed laptop. It looked as if it was straight from an antique store and, knowing Magnus, it probably was.

On the shelves there was a lot of different items; magnets, rods, cylinders and some devices Alec couldn’t even recognize. As he wasn’t an expert in this particular subject and wasn’t sure of the use of everything, it reminded him more of a magical workshop. _It’d suit Magnus_ , he thought briefly.

His stare turned up to the walls; on one of them there was a map of the stars constellations and then, the opposite wall was decorated with photos. The biggest one showed Magnus in the middle of the group of people, probably his friends he was always talking about. Everyone was standing and looking at him while he was the only one jumping. Under the photo there was a caption; he had to squint his eyes to make out the words in the poor lighting, but he could still read it. It said _“I don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation.”_ Alec snorted.

“I see you found my office,” the voice behind him said, making him jump. Magnus was standing closely, his clothes already changed to something more comfortable; he was wearing a simple t-shirt and grey sweatpants that were sitting low on his hips.

“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t find you,” Alec rushed to explain himself but Magnus quickly put his finger to Alec’s mouth and shushed him.

Alec’s heart gave him a tug as he tried to concentrate on Magnus’ words.

“No worries, I wanted to show it to you anyway. It took me a while to put it together, and I’m happy I finally have my workspace,” he said proudly. Alec nodded with understanding. He couldn’t imagine bringing all of his work home and not having his office, he would drown in papers in his own living room.

“Are those your friends?” he asked, nodding his head towards the photo on the wall.

“Yes,” Magnus chuckled in an answer and went closer, turning on the desk lamp on the way. “Do you see those two glaring at me? That’s Raphael and Ragnor. And this is Catarina,” Magnus said as he pointed to a woman standing by his side. The photograph looked clearer now, the colors vibrant and all the details visible. Alec could see that Magnus looked happy; both on the photo, where he was smiling widely, and now, clearly reliving the memory.

“My desk is still a mess though. But I like it,” Magnus shook his head and turned back to Alec, shutting the light. “If you’re still willing to try, I’d like to introduce you to one of my drinks. I’m also thinking of ordering Chinese if you agree?” he proposed as he started heading towards the living room again.

“Yes to both,” Alec said, following him.

“In that case, please make yourself comfortable,” Magnus waved his hands towards the old couch, which apparently he didn’t have the heart to throw away yet. “I’ll go make a call and grab some stuff for drinks.”

Alec nodded in response and sat down, putting one of his legs up and waiting for Magnus, who soon came back to the room, holding a bottle of something that looked like orange juice. He directed his steps towards the buffet table standing in the corner and Alec watched curiously as Magnus took out two glasses and a bottle of a green liquor.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Midori, Japanese melon-flavored liquor. I’m going to make us the Melon Ball and hopefully, you will like it,” Magnus explained as he continued to mix the liquids. Alec found himself eager to try it.

After the final touches, Magnus gave Alec one of the glasses and slumped comfortably on the opposite side of the couch, stretching his legs far so his feet touched Alec’s thighs. Alec turned a bit to face him as he sipped the drink, getting ready for the strong taste of alcohol, although to his surprise it never came. The drink was sweet and fruity, but not too much; the cold orange juice made it quite refreshing as well.

“It’s really good!” he admitted and Magnus grinned in triumph.

“I knew you’d like it,” he said with confidence and wiggled his toes a bit, nudging Alec. “So, how are you feeling? Better now?” he asked, pointing at Alec with his own glass.

“Well, I managed to stay longer yesterday…”

“You were supposed to catch up on sleep!” Magnus interrupted him in an accusatory tone, scowling at him. Alec sighed. People usually didn’t understand that he just couldn’t leave everything and go, so he wasn’t surprised.

“Yeah, but this way I have time today and I can spend it with you?” he tried his best to make an impression of puppy eyes, just like his siblings did, which seemed to work on Magnus who cracked under his gaze rather quickly.

“Okay, fine! I’m glad you came here,” he said, glaring at Alec who just raised his eyebrows to emphasize his point. “Well, if I may ask then, do you enjoy your work?”

The question left Alec stunned. He had never really thought about it, it was just the path he followed. As a kid, he had loved to sit in his parent’s office, in the chair that was too big for him, and pretend to be a boss. Sometimes his mother would give him some unused papers so he could sample and sign them. It was more fun when he was younger, but the memory itself wasn’t a bad one.

“Honestly? I don’t really know,” he started to say as Magnus patiently waited for him to continue. “I’ve always wanted to work there because I looked up to my parents, but I think what I loved was more of an idea than the job itself? What child randomly dreams of working as a real estate agent? It’s silly, isn’t it,” he chuckled, but as he lifted his gaze he found Magnus staring at him seriously.

“I don’t think it’s silly, Alexander. We all have our dreams. I’ll tell you a secret,” he lowered his voice and leaned towards Alec “that when I was younger, I dreamed of working for NASA,” he whispered in a conspiratorial tone. “But I guess it wasn’t my fate,” he sighed as he leaned back and took a gulp of his drink. Alec smiled at this gesture, already used to Magnus’ little dramatics. He could easily imagine little Magnus looking up to the night sky, just as he liked to do now. Magnus didn’t speak often of his childhood, but Alec liked to collect those little details that sometimes slipped in conversations.

“But you know what,” Magnus spoke again. “Just because we already chose something, it doesn’t mean we have to stick to it for the rest of our lives. I’ve always had interest in fashion and who knows, if I’ll ever get bored of science, maybe I should look into that.”

“You would be good at that,” Alec blurted out before his brain caught up with him. It wasn’t his fault that Magnus managed to look good in everything and always knew how to pair his outfits, not to mention the perfect fit of his clothes.

“You really think so?” Magnus beamed, smiling widely. “Well, thank you! But, I’m just sitting here and talking about me, what about you? Any secret hobbies you’re hiding? Besides food, of course, I’m sure you’d be a great critic,” he teased.

Alec’s first instinct was to answer that he didn’t really have any hobbies, but he decided to stop himself and think for a while. Ever since the beginning in the coffee shop, he felt like he could be more open with Magnus and he didn’t want to lose this connection.

“When I was a kid,” he started, bringing up the memory in his mind. “My mom had this old bookcase which she brought with her after she and my father had decided to move in together. There were various books there, but what I remember the most, were the ones about Spain. She had a little collection of them and I just liked to read when I wanted to be alone and escape from everyone. I guess that’s how I got interested in other countries as well? Because think about it, isn’t it fascinating how each of them has its own history, its own political system, and all the other nuances? And all the historical events we know would look different from the point of view of every other country and their history books,” he gesticulated lively, only stopping when he realized how much he got into his little speech while Magnus was just smiling softly at him in silence. “So yeah, it may be not the most interesting thing, but I like it.”

“I think it’s fascinating and very unique, Alexander. Who knows, you could be a great diplomat. Or a hot history professor; I know students wouldn’t complain,” he added with a wink, making Alec blush. He blamed the alcohol on that.

Talking to Magnus was effortless, which never ceased to amaze Alec. He wasn’t a fan of small talk and he didn’t make new friends easily, but no matter how many times he and Magnus met, it never got awkward, they never ran out of topics to talk. At first, he thought that maybe the reason was that they always met in public or with others, but now he could see that it was the same with just them, in the comfort of Magnus’ loft.

After they ate the delivered takeout and sat there in pleasant silence, Alec felt simply warm and content. The food was good, some Netflix movie was playing in the background and he had no intention of moving. It was just then when Magnus turned around on the couch and lied down, putting his head into Alec lap as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

“It’s scientifically proven that people are the best pillows,” he just murmured, getting more comfortable. Those simple words broke Alec’s initial shock and he chuckled.

“It’s proven? By whom?” he asked teasingly.

“By me. I’m the scientist, I know stuff,” Magnus answered sleepily. Not knowing what to do with his hands, he gave Magnus’ head an experimental scratch, which turned out to be a good choice, as he nuzzled further into his hand. Alec started to comb fingers through his hair then and smiled; Magnus was like a big cat. Alec wasn’t a very touchy person and he couldn’t imagine doing this with Lydia or Raj; Alec almost snorted out loud at the mere thought of it. Why was Magnus so different? Even though his heart felt weak, he tried to focus back on the movie, with Magnus warm weight on his lap.


	5. Chapter 5

Magnus was smiling. He stretched comfortably in his bed, putting an arm over his head, the golden sheets draped around his middle keeping him warm and cozy. It was way too early for him to be awake, but he just couldn’t sleep; the newfound lightness in his heart was keeping him up. If his friends lived closer, they would probably try to warn him, even scold him for falling so fast. But since they were far away with their voices less powerful over the phone, he chose to endorse the blissful feelings, letting himself to just be happy at this moment. 

Magnus was romantic at heart. He didn’t even know if Alec was interested at all but he couldn’t stop the little light of hope that started to burn brightly in him. There was something in the way they sometimes looked at each other, their gazes locking for longer than necessary; something in the way Alec never pulled away when Magnus got close. There were quite a few people in his life who had told him repeatedly that he was too clingy, too much to handle, but Alec never did that.

When he was younger, he was jumping from one person to another, looking for those little scraps of connection that would usually end in pointless flings. But as the years went on, he found himself yearning for something more, something long-lasting, and Alec was simply making his heart beat faster. Magnus never had problems with flirting, but he wasn’t easy to fluster, he prided himself in that. And yet, Alec managed to do that, with his raw honesty and beautiful smile.

With the history of his relationships, he knew he should be careful, but he just had this hunch that Alec was different. He never ridiculed him for his interests, which is what Camille often did. He actually asked about his job and liked to listen to him talk about it. He laughed at Magnus’ little dramatics, but it was never malicious. Was it his fault that Alec was making it so easy to fall for him? 

The thought of meeting him later today was making Magnus giddy, a feeling he hadn’t experienced in quite a while now. Alec invited him to the gym where he trained with his brother, Jace. Magnus grinned at the memory of Alec finally asking him if he worked out, trying very hard to not steal glances at his arms. And what if Magnus tried to wear more sleeveless shirts on purpose? Sue him, he wasn’t going to be ashamed of his body. Alec was right; he did work out, the calories from their dinners had to be burned somewhere if he wanted to keep himself in shape.

Apart from the excitement coming with the promise of seeing Alec getting sweaty, Magnus was also curious about Jace, and happy to meet more of the people important to Alec; he wanted to be a part of his life, even as a friend. It was something that Camille never did; she was never interested in getting to know the people he considered his family. 

After a final stretch, he decided to get up and open the curtains to let more light in. He supposed he should probably get dressed too if he wanted to meet Alec later, although, in his opinion, it should be optional. He snorted to himself at his ridiculousness, wishing he had someone to talk to, even a cat. He thought briefly of calling Catarina, but then he looked at the clock and decided she was probably still at work, so he didn’t want to bother her. 

***

Alec was walking around in a little circle with a gym bag hung over his shoulder, unable to stand still as he waited for Magnus to come down. It was silly, he shouldn’t be nervous; they have met so many times already, but it was hard to keep his heart calm. He suspected he might have developed a little crush on Magnus. Just a small, tiny crush. Maybe his teenage years were finally catching up with him because he certainly didn’t feel like the serious adult he was supposed to be.

Jace kept complaining that he hadn’t met Magnus yet, so he used this as an excuse to invite him to the gym, but really, was it the only reason? He was glad he finally managed to blurt out the question about working out as he was truly curious about it and, as it turned out, Magnus was mostly training at home with the equipment he had. Alec thought it was impressive, to keep your motivation going at your own place. If he didn’t drag himself outside to run or to the gym, he would probably stay in bed and sleep as much as he could.

His thoughts were stopped at the sound of the door opening and soon Magnus stepped out of the building, looking perfect as always, even though he seemed softer today. Alec guessed the gym wasn’t really the place for heavy makeup and styled hair after all.

“Hi!” he said, waving awkwardly, unsure what else to do. Shaking hands seemed too formal and hugging still too intimate. 

“Hello, Alexander,” Magnus smiled widely at him. “Thank you for inviting me, I feel like I haven’t been in the gym for ages! I need to stop doing everything at home or I’ll turn into a groggy hermit.”

“No problem, my pleasure,” he answered as he gestured for them to start walking. _It sure will be my pleasure_ , he thought. 

“So,” Magnus said as he followed Alec. “Is there anything I should know about your brother to not make it awkward?” The question was interesting. There were many things about Jace, of course, but usually, he didn’t have to describe him. He furrowed his brow as he thought of an answer.

“I love him, he’s my brother,” he started to say. “But sometimes he can be childish, so please don’t listen to everything he says.” Alec really hoped his brother wouldn’t embarrass him today. “You might also meet his girlfriend today, Clary. Actually, it’s a funny story, if you want to hear it?” he asked and Magnus nodded at him with a smile.

“Well then, Clary is this tiny redhead, who studies art. But what you probably won’t guess is the fact that she works part-time as a boxing instructor; her father is a cop and she got interested in training pretty early on. When we first went to the gym Jace had no idea and, of course, he tried to impress her, but she just kicked his ass. He fell in love immediately,” Alec smiled. He liked this story because it was sweet, but he also could make fun of his brother. 

“It’s a very nice story indeed,” Magnus chuckled. “Isn’t it amazing how we can find love in the less expected places?”

“Yeah,” Alec agreed, the weird feeling settling in his stomach once again as they kept walking.

***

Surprisingly, the introduction was fairly normal and Jace managed to keep himself from telling one of his inappropriate jokes that Raj despised so much at work. Magnus quickly disappeared to change into his work-out clothes before getting straight into his warm-up exercises; he definitely wasn’t there to waste time. Currently he was on a bench, pressing weights, and Alec was suffering. Magnus was wearing a black tank top and his biceps were rippling with every move causing Alec a big crisis. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be doing something? Or are you just drooling?” Jace asked as he moved closer to Alec, who, in fact, was standing next to a punching bag. He glared at his brother, hoping it would be enough of an answer.

“I have to admit, your Magnus is tough. Good at physics and other… physical stuff,” he added, wiggling his eyebrows.

“He’s not… oh, for fuck’s sake, Jace!” 

Since the glaring itself seemingly didn’t work, Alec reverted to the old, simple methods that usually meant punching Jace, who just laughed as he ran away. Alec let out a long sigh and adjusted his stance. Maybe throwing some punches would really help with getting rid of all his tension. He calmed his breathing and focused on the bag in front of him. This is what he knew how to do. Right, left, right, left. He lost himself in the familiarity of the activity, fully depending on his muscle-memory, forgetting about the outside world. Magnus was still on his mind, but it was easier to breathe with every strike; his arms started to burn in the way he liked.

Just as he came back to the present, catching his breath, he noticed Magnus standing nearby and looking at him. He walked over to Alec and handed him a water bottle.

“You’re good,” he said, sounding impressed.

“It’s just years of practice, it was always my outlet,” Alec stood a bit straighter, a nice feeling of pride tingling inside him as he took the bottle and slowly gulped the water. When he finished, he looked at Magnus again, interestingly finding him wide-eyed and paying close attention to his neck. The tension between them, which he tried to get rid of just a minute ago, was back with a full force.

“Wanna spar?” he risked the question, gesturing towards the mats covering the floor. Magnus blinked at him and looked at him through his eyelashes. Alec was going to die. 

“I’m afraid I’m not as good as you, Alexander,” he said coyly. 

“I can go easy on you,” Alec answered cheekily and Magnus smirked at him with mischief in his eyes, which probably should have been the first sign of his mistake. The second one would be definitely the way Magnus found his footing confidently, keeping his stance strong. They started to circle each other slowly, a little game of cat and mouse. Every time Alec tried to strike, Magnus would duck. He blamed it on beginner’s luck and kept his promise; he was going easy on him. 

Which probably was the reason why he found himself lying on the mat after Magnus took him down and grinned devilishly as he locked Alec between his thighs. 

“If you can't find the one being hustled in the game, then it's probably you,” he said in the same, cheeky tone Alec used on him earlier.

“Isn’t that a saying about pool?” he huffed, but the corners of his mouth still went up, betraying him. He tried to free himself, but Magnus was holding him firmly in place. Alec gave up and glanced at him once again, the view stealing his breath away. Yes, Magnus was extremely attractive and Alec dreamed of a situation like this, but the look of pure happiness on his face was something even more beautiful. He would go easy on him and lose a hundred times more if it meant getting to see him like this. Ending up with a strong, beautiful man in your lap was also a big bonus. Magnus smile slowly disappeared as he observed Alec with curiosity, loosening his hold. Alec wanted to say something, but he got interrupted.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here… Ow! That hurt!” even without looking, he could guess it was Jace being smacked by Clary. Magnus slowly got up and reached his hand to help Alec get up.

“I believe we haven’t been introduced yet. I’m Magnus,” Magnus said to Clary.

“Hello, it’s nice to finally meet you! Everyone was talking about you,” she said cheerily and Magnus looked inquiringly at Alec, who just shrugged. It wasn’t his fault that both Izzy and Jace loved to talk about his life. “Actually, I didn’t believe Simon when he said you reminded him of the other Magnus we knew, but now I can definitely see it! You probably wouldn’t remember us, we were just young kids compared to you, but maybe you remember my father, Officer Garroway?” she asked and blood drained from Magnus’ face. Alec wished that both Simon and Clary could just shut up sometimes, but no one except him seemed to notice anything.

“Oh. Yes, I mean, I remember Officer Garroway. We must have been living closely then?” Magnus answered casually, but Alec could feel he was putting up a front. They didn’t talk about his past at all, so he figured out pretty early on that it was a sore topic for him. But his friends, who didn’t spend as much time with Magnus as him, of course, didn’t know that.

“Yes! You had quite a reputation in the neighborhood, we looked up to you!” she laughed and Jace raised his eyebrows at Alec. He was sure that his brother wanted to say something and he needed to intervene before the situation got even more uncomfortable.

“Ehm,” he cleared his throat to get the attention on him. “I’m pretty tired after training and I think Magnus is too, so maybe we’ll meet to talk some other time? You guys can catch up then or something?” he suggested, trying to meet Magnus’ gaze without success.

“That’s a good idea actually, I have a class in like five minutes, so I should probably go anyway. It was nice to meet you, Magnus!” Clary smiled and she was gone, as always. This tiny redhead causing a commotion and then disappearing was a common occurrence, the first one obviously being kicking his brother’s ass. They had to go there again and again before Jace could stop her for a second and get her number. She was fierce, but she was also a hurricane. 

“Well, I will see you later guys. I’m sure Alec wouldn’t mind you coming here more often,” Jace said to Magnus and followed Clary quickly before Alec could react. Magnus smiled in answer, but there wasn’t much feeling behind it. Alec would love to know what caused it and why the mention of Clary’s father had such an impact on Magnus, but he didn’t want to intrude. He wasn’t always ready to talk about his family either, so he knew it took time to open up to somebody.

“Is everything okay?” he asked instead and Magnus looked at him in surprise.

“Of course,” he said in an overly cheery tone. It didn’t sit well with Alec. “I just remembered I have an article to proof-read though and I should really get to it before it’ll be too late. Maybe we can meet later, as you suggested?”

“Sure,” Alec wasn’t convinced about the reasoning, but he was lost. He didn’t know what to do.

“I’ll get going then,” Magnus started to walk, but then he stopped and said in a much softer tone, “I really had fun today, Alec. Thank you for inviting me. And we must have a rematch one day,” he teased and at this moment, Alec knew it was sincere. Magnus was back from the dark place in his head, even if it was for this short moment.

“Of course, I won’t go easy on you anymore,” he pretended to sound grumpy, taking inspiration from Magnus’ pouting, who just laughed at him as he went away.

***

Magnus sat on his couch, trying to not let the panic take over him. With the drink in his hand, he struggled to keep his breathing slow. His hands were shaking slightly and he couldn’t believe that after all this time, such a small thing still could trigger a reaction like this. Clary obviously didn’t know much about his past or she wouldn’t mention it at all; she was too young to understand back then. But Magnus remembered Luke and as soon as she mentioned him, the memories came back crashing in his mind with crazy speed. Suddenly, it was too much, he needed to be alone.

After his mother’s death, his father took him in, even though he was the one who left them in the first place. Magnus never learned to live with it; after the initial heartbreak and grief, he was just so, so angry. He blamed Asmodeus, he thought that maybe, if he didn’t abandon them, his mother wouldn’t take her own life, not bearing the thought of living anymore. But no matter how Magnus tried to provoke any reaction from him, his father never showed any emotions. He didn’t see him grieve or try to understand his own child. So Magnus tried to get his attention in questionable ways that now he wasn’t very proud of. 

That’s where Officer Garroway came in, trying to talk some sense into him. He didn’t believe that Magnus was a troubled youth, he thought Magnus could go far in his life if he just focused on himself and his education. Magnus couldn’t even count the number of times when he let him get away with the little things he did or the hours he spent at the police station just talking to him. In a way, he was more of a father to him than Asmodeus ever was. But then, Magnus finally started working on himself and disappeared to London without a word of goodbye. He was a mess. 

Maybe today was a sign that he should stop hiding and finally let his father know he was back in the city. He couldn’t just keep pretending everything was fine forever. He downed his drink, put the glass on the table and slowly reached for his phone. Before he could talk himself out of it, he pressed the button. 

“Hello, son,” the deep voice answered after a short while, still surprising Magnus. Maybe deep inside he still hoped his father wouldn’t pick up the phone, after such a long time of Magnus avoiding contact with him.

“Hello,” was the only thing Magnus managed to say at first, his mind going blank. 

“What is the reason for your call?” Asmodeus asked, going straight to the point in his usual style. Magnus thought bitterly of the fact that his father would never ask him how he was feeling.

“I just wanted to let you know that I’m back in New York,” he responded, regaining his calm again. He got this, he wasn’t a child anymore.

“I know,” and yet, his father always managed to throw him off. 

“Then why didn’t you say anything?” Magnus tried to keep his voice steady, not wanting to let his emotions speak over him.

“During last few years you made it pretty clear that you don’t want to talk with me so I just complied.”

Of course. He would always choose the easy way out.

“Okay then,” Magnus didn’t have anything else to say. He needed to gather his thoughts. 

“Okay. Goodbye, son,” Asmodeus just said before ending the call, leaving Magnus not knowing what to do with himself.

He needed air.

He went outside on the balcony, the temperature already low. But maybe he needed that, a shock for his body so it could clear his mind.

It was always like this. His father took him in, but never made any effort to build a relationship with him, never said he was sorry for leaving them in the past. He covered the costs of Magnus moving to London but didn’t care if they kept in touch. And now, he knew his son was back in the same city but didn’t call, didn’t say anything. 

Magnus couldn’t find the old anger in him anymore, he was just tired. He shivered, thinking already on making another drink. 

His phone buzzed informing him there was a new message. He didn’t look at it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading another chapter! 👀
> 
> And, of course, thank you @mansikka ♥


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took some time but I hope you'll enjoy it! Thank you for reading and for all your comments <3
> 
> (as always, @mansikka <3)

Magnus could see himself clearly spiraling down, straight back into his old habits. He felt like he was a spectator of his own life, standing in the crowd of strangers, unable to do anything to stop it. He was so used to dealing with everything on his own that sometimes his brain treated it like it was the only option he ever had. Over the years he changed a bit, mostly in London, where he could heal, far away from his family drama; it was also a place where he found his friends who usually kept him in check and didn’t let him push everyone away. But now, back in New York, it was so easy to go down this road again, repeating his old behaviors, especially with the anniversary of his mother's death coming soon.

Magnus supposed that the phone call with his father also didn’t help, leaving him confused by his own feelings. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to leave it as it was, which seemed like a bitter victory, or maybe seek some closure. Would meeting his father face to face make a difference after all those years?

In theory, he knew he could easily reach out for help; Catarina would probably grumble a bit, but still answer the phone even in the middle of the night. He could also contact Alec or even Izzy, but he just couldn’t bring himself to talk with anyone, closing himself off to the outside world. Was he too ashamed of his past? Or was he too conflicted about what to do? He felt frustrated with the questions he couldn’t answer as if he didn’t even know himself.

Ignoring his friends wasn’t fair to them, he knew that, which just added guilt to the mix of feelings. And yet, he still only answered Ragnor who threatened to alert the police if he didn’t hear back from Magnus.

Leaving Alec’s messages unanswered and finding excuses to avoid meetings with him was breaking his heart, but once he started doing it, he was too afraid to stop it. He would need to explain everything and he was just scared that Alec wouldn’t understand or simply wouldn't like this version of him. The one who wasn’t cheery all the time, who was moody and had a hell of a history to unpack.

To bury all those feelings he threw himself into work, although he functioned more like a programmed robot than a human. Go to work, smile, go back home, eat, work, make drinks, go to sleep. Repeat. Was it worth living his life this way? Another question he didn’t have the answer for.

Going on like this forever seemed like a scary thought, but there was still one thing that was leaving cracks in his demeanor. As the anniversary of his mother’s death was getting closer, he found himself getting restless, dreading it with every fibre of his being. Sitting at home was exhausting; he couldn’t get his thoughts off the terrible memories burned into his mind.

As one of those endless days just kept getting worse and worse, he remembered Alec talking about how training was the outlet for his problems. He got the idea that maybe that could be his solution, although his equipment at home was limited; he would need to go to the gym if he wanted to punch something.

He went over his options once again; he could stay at home and work until he couldn’t see what he was reading anymore and then drink until he would pass out and feel miserable in the morning. Or he could go to the gym and risk meeting someone he knew. _Screw it_ , he thought as he made a decision.

***

He stepped confidently into the building, trying to cover the nervousness as his eyes scanned the area in the search for familiar faces. Luckily, none of them was in sight. He quickly changed into his workout clothes, wrapped his hands and moved to the section with punching bags. He liked sparring with others, it reminded him of a dance routine; to strike and duck and to be in perfect harmony with your partner. This, however, wasn’t his usual choice. He tried to clean his mind and focus on his breathing as he imitated Alec’s stance from the other day. Getting ready to fight with a real person in front of you was quite different for him.

After a deep breath, he let go, putting all of his emotions into the movements. He could see what Alec meant; there was only one goal here with no place for other thoughts. With time he struck faster, harder, and his arms finally started to burn. He could feel the pain in his hands, his mind going blank; exactly what he wanted.

“Woah, slow down buddy or you’ll injure your wrists,” the voice next to him brought him back into the reality. He panted heavily as he stopped and looked at the person, who turned out to be no one else but Alec’s brother. Damn his luck.

“Hi!” he chirped brightly, or at least he tried to, but with his voice hoarse from disuse, he sounded nowhere near the cheerful effect he wanted to achieve. “I didn't see you when I came in here,” he went further, hoping his smile would mask everything else, but Jace didn’t seem to buy it as he furrowed his brows in a questioning look.

“You know, I spend a lot of time here because of Clary, and I can recognize when someone is training themselves into the ground for whatever reason; hell, I’ve seen my own brother doing that way too many times. So spill, what’s bothering you?” he said, looking at Magnus with this all-knowing expression on his face, which frustrated Magnus. He wanted to kindly tell him to fuck off, but maybe, just maybe, there was something in it. In some cases, it was much easier to talk to strangers and that’s what Jace basically was; they had met only once before. Magnus sighed, gaining all the confidence he had at the moment.

“It’s my mother,” he said quietly, avoiding Jace’s gaze. “She died when I was a kid, and it’s the anniversary soon,” there it was. He let it out, waiting for the usual, _“I’m so sorry”_ reaction so they could move on. But surprisingly, it didn’t come as Jace stood there thinking.

“You know, it’s pretty obvious that I don’t look like Izzy and Alec, right?” he paused, giving Magnus a pointed look and time to nod in agreement. Magnus had no other choice because really, they didn’t look similar, even though they definitely acted like a family. He didn’t have the time to ask Alec about it before all of this mess started.

“Well, I lost my parents when I was a kid. The Lightwoods knew them and adopted me after that. I was young but I still remember it. So I might know what you’re going through.” Magnus blinked. This wasn’t what he expected at all, so he stood there, a bit struck.

“How do you deal with it?” he asked after a while when he finally found his words again. “It’s been so many years ago, it shouldn’t be that hard.”

“Honestly? It’s hard. I don’t think time heals anything, we just learn to cope better,” Jace shrugged and Magnus snorted in response.

“What an optimistic take.”

“I’m just saying that when something triggers your memory, you’re gonna feel emotions, there’s nothing you can do about it. May as well allow them. And believe me, I’ve tried to stop it.” It annoyed Magnus how much truth was in those words and he couldn’t help but admit Jace had a point. For all his life he tried to focus on something else; his father, his studies, his work. Shutting his emotions down or directing them at others was something he was good at but he felt helpless when left alone with them. Like right now, he didn’t really know what to answer, which apparently Jace took as a sign to keep talking.

“Also, I know it’s not my place and it’s between you and Alec, but you know you can reach out to him, right? He’s worried.”

At the mention of Alec’s name, Magnus started to get ready to defend himself, even if the guilt was eating him away. But as he kept listening, he was grateful that there was nothing accusatory in Jace’s words; he felt relief he wasn’t being judged but at the same time it made everything worse. Why were they all so good to him? He met Izzy only once and yet, she did everything to make him feel less alone after moving back to New York. Alec decided to help him with the furniture after half an hour of talking with him. And now Jace. He didn’t deserve this kindness, especially not after treating everyone like this.

“I… Thank you. It means a lot. I know we’ve met only twice but… I really appreciate it. And I’m sorry, I have to go,” he excused himself, wishing to disappear before he got even more emotional or started asking about Alec.

“Any time, buddy,” Jace said, clapping him on the shoulder. Magnus smiled weakly at him and turned around, walking away.

***

Alec propped himself against the window, glazing over the pedestrians rushing in all directions, but not really seeing them as his thoughts were drifting far away. He put his forehead against the cold glass with frustration; he didn’t know what he was doing wrong. He tried to give Magnus some space, then he tried to contact him, but in both cases, nothing worked, Magnus was still avoiding him or dodging any suggestions of going out. As his siblings would say, he had the tendency to overthink, so he tried to analyze everything he had done. It was going so well till the moment when Clary mentioned that she remembered Magnus. Damn girl.

He sighed. He was being unfair and Clary wasn’t at fault either. But could he blame Magnus, if something was really wrong? He just wanted a sign that they could work it out. For a brief moment he wanted to send another message but he was too tired of being ignored. As he tried to not lose himself in this madness, he heard a knock on his door just before they opened abruptly. Of course, it had to be Jace, he never liked to wait to be actually let in, so Alec didn’t even bother turning around.

“What?” he asked, not caring if he sounded rude.

“How are you?” Jace responded, completely ignoring the mood. Alec had to sigh once again. On some level, he knew that Magnus meeting more of his family would be a bad idea because now they would stick their noses into it. Honestly, it was a miracle that Izzy didn’t meddle.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m fine.”

“I see we’re going back to the pretending game, okay then. I just wanted to stop by and let you know that I think Magnus may need a friend today? I mean, I can’t speak for…” Jace trailed on but Alec stopped listening after the beginning.

“What? How would you know that?” How could possibly Jace know anything about Magnus? It didn’t add up at all.

“As I said, I can’t speak for him, but we talked today…”

“You know what, I don’t want to hear that,” Alec didn’t want to listen. It always ended up like this; of course, Magnus would prefer talking to his siblings, they were more interesting than Alec after all. He wasn’t even angry, he was just hurt. He scoffed at himself, he was so stupid, getting all worked up and worrying, while Magnus ignored him but still talked to his brother. Should he even be surprised? He never felt like he was someone’s first choice.

“Wait, Alec, no. Listen to me, please!” Jace said as he moved closer and put his hands on Alec’s shoulders, shaking him a little and forcing Alec to look at him. “I was just waiting for Clary and saw Magnus at the gym, he was doing the same thing you do when you need to let off some steam and try to beat the life out of the punching bag. I guessed something is wrong and we talked; I just… I get him, Alec, okay? Just believe me when I say he needs you,” he said, making sure Alec would listen to him.

“And why are you so sure?” Alec asked warily, not trusting this whole situation.

“You know that you’re my family, right? You’re my brother just like Maryse is my mother and I never doubted that,” he started and Alec nodded, starting to feel where this was going. “But I still remember how it feels to lose family. And it really isn’t my place to tell Magnus’ story and honestly, I don’t even know the details, but I understand it, okay?” his voice was shaking and Alec finally could see it clearly. Suddenly everything clicked. It was obvious that something was there, something from the past, but the point was – Magnus had never talked about his parents. And it made perfect sense that Jace could relate to it, Maryse and Robert were his parents, of course, but he rarely mentioned anything from the times before the accident that killed both of his biological parents. Jace’s father wasn’t the best to begin with but that was another issue Alec didn’t want to dive into. Jace was okay now and that was all that mattered.

But what about Magnus? As far as Alec knew, he didn’t have any siblings or other family members he could talk to when it got bad. And his closest friends were in London; he couldn’t leave him like that, Jace was right.

“Thank you for talking to him. And you know you can always talk to me, right? You’re my brother,” Alec said as he hugged Jace.

“Don’t get emotional all over me know,” Jace snorted but Alec knew there was warmth in his tone. “Better go to Magnus later,” he added and stepped back, punching him lightly and Alec couldn’t help but smile, feeling grateful for the family in his life.

***

Alec didn’t have the time to attempt cooking as Magnus did for him but he still wanted to get something to hopefully cheer up the mood, so he bought dumplings on the way. It was one of Magnus favorite dishes.

He walked quickly through the familiar area with the newfound determination; he needed to see Magnus today. He’d leave if he asked him to, but he couldn’t just leave it like that, especially if he knew that something was wrong. It wasn’t an easy task though; as he suspected no one was answering the intercom. He sighed, trying to think of a way around that. He was ready to just ring some random people and lie that he forgot the key when an old lady approached him.

“What are you waiting for, darling?” she asked, her voice warm, reminding Alec of the typical grandma.

“I, um, I’m here for someone, but they’re not picking up,” he responded and decided to just go with it. What did he have to lose after all? “Actually his name is Magnus, maybe you know him? He lives on the third floor,” he added, hoping he sounded convincing.

“Of course! He’s such a nice young gentleman, always helping me to carry the groceries when we meet! Why don’t you come in with me? Maybe he didn’t hear the ringing, it always happens to me when the TV is on!” The old lady kept talking as she took out her keys and opened the door to the building, gesturing at him to come in. She seemed like a very sweet person and Alec was sure there was a place in hell waiting for him already, for deceiving the unsuspecting old lady. He didn’t lie though; he was waiting for Magnus, Magnus just didn’t know that.

“Thank you so, so much,” he thanked her once again as they parted their ways and she just waved her hand at him. She lived on the first floor so he kept climbing the stairs alone and the closer he got the more nervous he felt. Was it really a good idea? What if Magnus would be mad at him? What if Jace was wrong and Magnus was avoiding him for different reasons? The questions rallied in his brain, but he shook his head; he needed a clear mind if he wanted to do this. He took in a deep breath, knocked at the door and so he waited.

After a while, when he almost started to lose hope, he heard someone’s steps and the door finally opened, revealing Magnus on the other side. He looked annoyed as if he wanted to scold whoever was bothering him, but as soon as he saw Alec, his eyes got wide with surprise.

Magnus looked like a shadow of himself; it wasn’t the perfectly put together Magnus and it wasn’t the soft Magnus relaxing at home either. He stood there stiff, his muscles visibly tense. There were bags under his eyes and his hair looked flat, the usual fluffiness gone.  


He was still staring at Alec in silence so he decided to speak. “Hi? I can go if you want me to but I thought you may need something to cheer you up?” he said, raising the containers with dumplings and Magnus eyes followed the movement unthinkingly, as if he was under some spell; it was only then when his shock seemed to break.

“Come in,” he said quietly. They walked to the living room and Alec put the food on the table, sitting down on the couch. Magnus took the place on the opposite side and for the first time, Alec could describe the silence between them as awkward. Magnus was staring down at his hands, rubbing them together in a nervous tick. The tension started to become unbearable.

“I’m so sorry,” Magnus broke the silence with the words Alec wasn’t expecting.

“There’s nothing…” he started, not really thinking about it, but Magnus interrupted him.

“Of course there is. I haven't been a good friend recently, I ignored you and your messages, made you worry,” he kept talking, his voice quiet and lacking the usual strength. Instinctively, Alec wanted to say that it’s not a big deal, but then he gave himself a moment to think about it; how he felt when he got no answers for his messages, when he could see clearly he was being avoided and finally when he heard Jace this afternoon.

“I felt a little hurt. Well, quite hurt,” he admitted softly. He didn’t want to make Magnus feel even more guilty, it wasn’t the point of his visit. “If you needed time to be alone, you could have told me, I’d understand. But I can’t guess what’s going on if there’s no communication between us.”

“I know and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have shut you out like that, you’ve always been so good to me. It’s just… It’s how I’ve always dealt with everything and it’s hard to break old habits, I guess.” Magnus’ voice was broken and all Alec wanted was to reach out for him. But they needed to talk first. If he wanted Magnus to feel comfortable with it, he had to be honest too.

“It’s okay. I was worried that it was something I did. You’ve become important to me over these few last months and I wouldn’t want to lose that,” there it was, the truth. Even if Magnus liked him only as a friend, Alec truly didn’t want to lose this, whatever they had, it meant too much for him.

“It wasn’t you, it was never you,” Magnus said quickly as if he was afraid Alec would still blame himself. Then he looked down and added, “I suppose I should talk about the reason why I’m like this.”

“We don’t have to talk about it now or ever if you don’t want to,” Alec assured him. Of course, he wanted to know everything but it was Magnus’ choice entirely, he couldn’t just push him to do it.

“No, I want to, I really do. Because you’re important to me too,” he said and something tugged at Alec’s heart. He nodded and waited for Magnus to start when he was ready.

“My mother… Her family was from Indonesia, and as far as I know, they moved to the States together. But then, I’ve never seen them around, so I can only guess she was left alone at some point. I was probably too young to understand what was happening; was it before or after she met my father? I don’t know. What I know though, is that they’d been young and reckless when they met and that’s how _I_ happened. With the little detail that my father left as soon as he learned about it,” Magnus said bitterly, clearly despising the fact. “He moved to New York to start his own business and never looked back. It was hard for my mother; she had mental problems and now I know it was depression. Sometimes she wouldn’t go out of bed, she wouldn’t eat or do anything. I tried to help, but I was just a child,” Magnus’ voice began to shake and Alec found it hard to stay calm and listen. “And then, one day… She couldn’t do it anymore. She took her own life and I was the one who found her,” Magnus tried to not show it but Alec noticed the shimmer in his eyes and he couldn’t stand it anymore. He moved closer to sit next to Magnus and put his arms around him; he couldn’t believe this amazing man was still so strong after everything that happened in his childhood. Magnus gasped and it seemed that it was the moment when his barriers finally broke. He reached back to Alec, clinging to him and finally letting his tears go.

“I can’t get it out of my head, Alec, I just can’t,” he murmured in his neck and Alec held him tightly. He couldn’t find the right words and maybe they weren’t needed. Maybe what Magnus needed was a shoulder to cry on and someone to be there for him. Alec wanted to suggest that maybe it was enough for today but after the short break and a few deep breaths, Magnus continued.

“After that, they found my father and contacted him. I don’t even know why, but he agreed to take me in. I think that maybe he thought he could have someone to take over his business? He never showed any emotions though; he was never sorry about leaving my mother, we never talked about it. I was left alone to cry; he never asked how I feel,” as Magnus kept telling the story, his voice got quieter and smaller. Alec wanted nothing more than to protect him. He was aware that the Magnus he knew now could handle himself, but this little boy from the past? He needed someone to care for him so desperately back then.

“And then I thought I would rather take his anger than this indifference, so I did some questionable stuff, hoping to get the reaction out of him; this is where Clary’s dad came in. He’s her stepdad, you know? And he loves her so much, even though they’re not biologically related. Sometimes I wonder how my life would look like if I had another family. But I never got to find out and now, after all those years, I’m just so tired and I can’t even feel the anger anymore. I don’t know if I should contact him or not, but I just… I just feel like I’m betraying my mother by talking with him, how could I forgive him,” his voice began to shake once again and Alec hugged him tighter, hoping the touch would translate the wordless support.

As Magnus’ tears seemed to dry down, Alec spoke softly, still holding him, not willing to let go yet.

“You don’t have to forgive him, Magnus, not now and not ever, but no one will blame you if you want to keep in touch. He’s the only family member you have left, it’s okay to talk to him. But only on your terms. You have the control, okay?” he said and Magnus shifted in his arms, looking up at him.

“How are you so sure?” he asked.

“Do you want to hear about my family?” Alec replied with a question on his own. He didn’t want to make it about himself, but he felt that maybe getting Magnus to focus on something else for a while would help. He waited till Magnus nodded and tucked his head under Alec’s neck again. He cleared his throat and started to tell the story.

“I have a great relationship with my mom now, but it wasn’t always like this.” It wasn’t often that he talked about this particular time in his life, so he supposed he could understand Magnus’ resistance with sharing his past. But he wanted to be honest; he also wanted to give Magnus a distraction. So he welcomed the memories flooding his mind as his thoughts went back in time. “When we were younger, our parents seemed to have everything planned for us; the acceptable career choices, the circles of people we should show up in and choose our partners from. They had this idea of me getting married and having kids at a certain age, as I was the oldest and should set an example for my siblings,” he scoffed. As if they would follow him mindlessly. “They were easier on Jace, but Izzy and I… We were constantly reminded of our mistakes and we were never enough, not to their standards anyway. I looked up to my parents so much, they started their business from scratch and did everything to provide for us, so I tried to be perfect, I tried so hard. I suppose that’s the reason I never came out as a teenager, I was so ashamed of it,” Alec didn’t even notice his voice was overwhelmed with emotion until he felt a light supportive squeeze on his arm. ”And then, it turned out this all was an illusion. My _perfect_ father has been cheating on my mom for a long time, and, as soon as she discovered it, he stopped caring about us and left with this new woman,” he could still remember the disappointment he had felt in that moment. He was angry, of course, but mostly just disappointed in the person he idolized so much.

“It was a wakeup call for my mom, I guess she finally noticed how far she pushed away her own children. Max was still so young at this point and she didn’t want to repeat the same mistakes, so she started working hard on it. And we worked too; it wasn’t like the forgiveness happened overnight. And this is the point Magnus, both sides have to put effort into it. My father doesn’t, and I call him only once a year, but this is my choice. And whatever you do, it should be up to you too,” he finished, hoping Magnus would understand what he wanted to say. As children they didn’t have a lot to say about their lives; they had to be with adults that could provide for them and they had to listen. But now, they were older and smarter; they were hurt and they learned and healed from it. They had the control, although changes like this were slow; they needed time.

“How about we eat something? I suppose you haven’t eaten the dinner yet,” Alec started to move, his older brother instincts kicking in; he wanted to take care of Magnus. But as soon as he reached for food on the table, he heard a sound of protest; it seemed that Magnus was stubborn and didn’t want him to let him go yet.

Alec smiled; Magnus getting playful was a good sign.

“Okay, we can stay here longer,” he said, sitting back and relaxing his muscles. He wasn’t even aware of how tense he got; they definitely had enough emotional talks for today. Nevertheless, he was glad he had decided to come.


End file.
